Speaking of Will... Opinions? (book 2 excerpt)

So as I said the past journal it's now been two years since I started Vampires Don't Belong in Fairytales.  It happened pretty spontaneously, and it didn't even have a name until I was about 8 comics or so down the line.    Despite the fact that Miss Prince was written first, and the comic is based on the sequel, the two things have become entwined and one affects the other. 

Now, I am working on what I usually refer to as 'book 2' meaning book 2 in the Miss Prince series... it's 3/4s the way done for the first draft and I'm editing it in fits and starts at the moment, as I badly needed to re-read and fix continuity errors caused by Miss Prince redrafting and comic continuity.  There's quite a few of them ^-^; 

Now then.  The comic is just supposed to be a silly thing I can do for free and for fun, and it still is, and hopefully it always will be.. I had to get a bit more serious with it when I decided to sell some of my comics at conventions... my comics are not professional standard by a long, long way, and the ones that are for fun never will be (that would take the fun right out) but the ones I make for sale I try hard on.  This applies doubly to the books.  The stuff I expect people to pay money for I want to be the best they can be.  I'm never going to be the pinnacle of literature, but I try my best...

In the interests of trying my best... I'm wondering if I need a 'book 1.5' concerning Will's time in Fairyland before I get to the main storyline in book 2.  It would be helpful for several reasons...  I wouldn't have to jam in character development quite so much, and it would enable book reader only people to be on a level footing with comic readers...

Yet another reason is... book 2 feels a bit... drama heavy to me?  For people who read the comics, they probably care what happens to the guy running around the forest hiding a sword... but I have an awful lot of work to do otherwise.  But the real problem is my antagonist.  I write from a non-omnipresent third person viewpoint/s, and that means unless my antagonist is in contact with the protagonist/s, it's difficult for me to develop them properly...

Some people hate this, but I like to mess about and do some lighthearted messing about before I get all serious.  But book 2 throws you guys right in at the deep-end, and other people hate that, and I'm wondering if a short book in the middle building up to the drama-splosion might soften the blow (since my readers are more likely the 'drama later plz' types).

This seems like a good excuse to put in an excerpt from book 2!  Here you go:

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Fairies didn't mess about when it came to naming things. They were the sort of people who called a spade a spade, although admittedly some of them call it a shovel. But when they named a place, they named it well. The country was full of places called 'The Cave of Doom' or 'The Fountain of Death'. The Dark Forest was just such an aptly named place. Largely coniferous, the towering pine trees blocked out most of the sunlight. It was dank and gloomy. The persistent drizzle was adding to the murk. All kinds of nasty beasties lived in here, and like the majority of the populace, they were magical. Fairyland had a magical spring beneath it, which caused the evolution of all kinds of unusual flora and fauna, most of it dangerous. Fairies could handle such things easily, though, as long as they kept their wits about them. The most dangerous thing a fairy could encounter was another fairy...

The young king made his way through the forest, using the dripping, shrieking canopy for cover. The dark leaves of the conifer-like trees and the general gloom of the place hid him from view, the racket its denizens were making masked any noise he made. His night blue, silk shirt stuck to his skin thanks to the moisture-laden air, but suitable clothing had not been a priority when he'd left the palace. There'd been no time to get a weather forecast. He'd just grabbed the sword and got out. He had to keep it away from that woman.

He darted from tree to tree. Just because he couldn't be seen from the air didn't mean there weren't enemies already inside the forest. He'd hidden the sword. That was the important thing. If he got caught, he could do something about it. But if that woman got hold of the sword, too... If only the Light Guard had held out a little longer, he could have done this better. But then, that was how these things worked. You were handed a mysterious artefact and instructed not to hand it over to anyone and it wasn't until later that you found out it was the key to destroying the universe or whatever horribly dangerous thing it did. Usually right after you'd handed it over to someone. Mysterious objects weren't supposed to come with a manual or an explanation, that would spoil all the fun. He had cheated a bit by handing it to a family member, but that didn't count. His cousin didn't know anything about the sword or what it meant. The problem was that with both the pendant and the staff being in enemy hands, it wouldn't stay hidden for long.
He could see the edge of the forest now; the moonlight pierced through the forest gloom like a spear, outlining the exit. He couldn't hear anything other than the squawking and whistling noises of the forest. That wasn't good. He had expected to hear battle. He'd left one of his platoons here guarding the forest and he knew that the Wild Horde was on his trail. Something was wrong. He sighed, attempted to unstick his clothing to no avail, and walked right out of the forest. There was a yell and he was immediately set upon and seized by three enemy soldiers. Two of them grabbed his arms, the remaining one grabbed his hair.
“All that skulking around for nothing,” came a female voice. “Hold him up, I want to be able to see the expression on his face,” it commanded. The third soldier yanked his head back.

“Good afternoon Lady Lir,” he greeted her pleasantly, ignoring his treatment. He gave her a toothy grin. She wrinkled her nose in disgust. Obviously that was not the expression she'd wanted to see. He should keep it up then. An annoyed enemy was a careless enemy.

“Smug as ever,” the woman narrowed her dark, grey eyes and flicked her long, black hair over her shoulder. She was wearing the traditional attire for a fairy queen; a long, green dress, embroidered around the hems with silver and gold. “That's 'Your Majesty' to you, Tyrian.” So she was trying to annoy him too – how dare she address him by his name alone! He ignored the slight;

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That's as far as I dare go right now, but you can see my problem.  It's like, right off the bat I've hit the reader around the head with 'THIS IS AN ANTAGONIST YO' and I don't like that.  Okay, so I've never been terribly subtle with my antagonists, and it's kiiiind of acceptable being as this is teen/young adult stuff (advice from the writer's handbook guide to writing for children - 'Don't be afraid to ham it up') but I feel like people won't get the development they deserve as the book stands.  Doing a book 1.5 will allow me to show motivations and causes for the events of book 2 without people shaking their fists and yelling their plans to the heavens (even though this is an Otherworld, and exactly how you're supposed to go about these things).  It would probably overlap with the comics a lot, and that might be a good thing or a bad thing... I don't want comic readers to get bored.  Also, since the point in it is to more fully explain the events of book 2, it might be a little thin... So it would sort of help with book 2, but in of itself, it might not be that great... I'll try my hardest, but... that danger is there.  On the other hand, I just love mucking about writing world building and character development and silly shenanigans, so it would also be great fun. 

So in short, I am conflicted. 

What do you guys think?  Should Will get his own book or shall I just ditch everyone who doesn't read my comics into book 2 and try and put character development in there?  Perhaps both? 

Thoughts?

Thanks for reading,

Alicia

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Moved the features to here.  > don't really feel like still offering features so i won't automatically feature you if you comment, but if you still want one, say so, and I will feature you.

You know the drill - comment and I will feature the 5 works (this meme says 5~) I like best from your gallery. 
If you do, you should do the same in your own journal with me in the first slot~

I was featured by

1:

2:


YOU ALL NEED TO GO AND READ FOLKLORE ALREADY.  www.smackjeeves.com/comicprofi…

3: 
Takeaway, LoveI wanna take you to the scent
Make sure our pocket money's well spent
Take two tongues to the tea
Spicy as samosa, sweet as curry
Wanna take ourselves for a ride
Fill up our insides
Since this is our first occasion
Let’s take a look at some menus
I pick something Asian
You settle on a venue
We’re now relaxed on the sofa
Working out sauce from noodle
Submerged in soy-weet aroma
Our caboodles have a canoodle
I wanna takeaway love, takeaway first
Take away your craving satiate your thirst
Wanna roll around in rice, wasabi and sushi
Roll the dice things are gonna get cushy
I’m not the type to order doner
But what the hell let’s get us a slab
The jokes soon start and we’re a goner
Eating comical conical Kebab
Sometimes it’s good to feel impure
Desires come strong and thick
The tension ‘comes thin like a skewer
You give my shish a lick
I wanna takeaway love, takeaway tonight
Take away your hunger make you feel right
Wanna ready made solutio <da:thumb id="72331550"/> < Must. Feature. Shirt.


4:

^Too many awesome comics.  Can't feature all of them. 

5:
< can't stop featuring this one.  Too funny.
You didn't comment, but I saw you featured me, so... have a feature~

6:   (I will probably still refer to you as 'Snow' until the end of time...)



(I'll add more slots if people comment)






 

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Booked conventions-

Wigan Comic Con - 22nd June

Regatta weekend 12th-13th July  < for my own reference only

Manchester MCM Comic Con - 19-20th July

MancsterCon - 8th - 10th August

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'I'll get a job', she'd thought. 'Earn my own ticket,' she'd thought. Lucinda's parents had agreed that it was a good idea. 'It'll teach you some responsibility,' they'd said.

Lucinda was currently staring down a dragon, dressed as a man, on only her first day in gainful employment. She suspected her parents would not think it such a good idea if they knew.

~ from Miss Prince

You can read a sample here - tannbourne.com

On Amazon  - www.amazon.co.uk/Miss-Prince-A…

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"Ambrosia. The Drink of the Gods. Thick, syrupy and vanilla flavoured, for some reason. It also contains enough calories to kill a mortal on the spot, so it's just as well that mortals are no longer mortals by the time they finish drinking it. Like Seralina, for example. She hadn't really meant to become a god. She hadn't taken the warning 'This will make of ye a god' seriously. It was her general policy not to trust any claim beyond 'It tastes all right, really'. She certainly didn't trust anything that sounded made-up or used words like 'dynamic'. Going round trusting words like 'dynamic' could get you into trouble. As it turned out, so could ignoring warning labels."

~ from Eggs, Butter, Sugar and Disaster

You can download a sample chapter of EBSD here: tannbourne.com

Buy it on Amazon: www.amazon.co.uk/Butter-Sugar-…
Amazon.com:  www.amazon.com/Butter-Sugar-Di…